def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
