Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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