So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
