If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
