Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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