Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We left an ass print on the piano.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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