After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
