I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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