You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i dont even know how to be here
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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