The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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