i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
