he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
