you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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