best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
