I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
