I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
