Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
