got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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