you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
