she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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