So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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