Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
