it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
