hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
