the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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