I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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