We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
