ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
