Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
