You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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