but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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