Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
