it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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