Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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