This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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