well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
