Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
as a side note pls kill me
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