I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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