if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize