come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
