Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
