I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
