when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
