My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
