Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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