Umm I'm too high to move.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
