Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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