it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
