Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
