Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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