what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
