so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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