Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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