i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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