There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
