What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize