It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
