i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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