so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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