can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
