Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
