she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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