sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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